Jolted out of my comfort zone

'Teaching caused my breakdown'

I know the previous post was supposed to be the last for the Micro-teaching series, but I was quite troubled by the 'mosquito incident'. In a way that was a very poignant example of how sometimes teachers can lose control of themselves in front of their students. This comes in the midst of all the pressures that teachers face in schools. On top of having to produce students with good academic results, teachers have to deal with class management issues as well. And not to mention that teachers may sometimes be emotionally affected by events outside of their work life.

I know that teachers do have to maintain a sense of professionalism. Admittedly, I was not in tiptop condition on Monday as I should never have done that in the first place (have yet to recover emotionally from weekend blues actually, I was really feeling quite drained). Ironically, it is also the pressure of 'acting' professional that teachers may suffer from emotional breakdowns. It is really not easy to block all our worries and troubles even if it was easy to say so to others. This no doubt will have a great impact on the students especially if teachers act irrationally in front of students. Even worse, if teachers do something irrational to students.

Never say never. I was still shocked and highly disturbed by my reaction towards Latifah. Her misbehaviour may be minor, but it really drove home the point that if teachers were on the verge of a breakdown, even a minor event of misbehaviour by a student could set her/him loose. In a way, that was really a terrible experience and feeling. As most would agree, it is better to learn from our mistakes in NIE. And I must say I am really grateful that I committed this grave mistake on Monday for it jolted me from my so-called 'comfort zone' and forced me to face this very real and frightening issue.

It is very important, I think, for us to be very honest with ourselves at all times. We need to constantly question ourselves every morning if we are in the right state of mind to face our students. We need to also to be aware that recognising our inability to deal with work issues is not a failure on our part. But rather, it is the first step of saving our career. For many of us (and even for me), we may somehow have the mentality that recognising our weaknesses and going for counselling (or even taking a short break during school term) is a sign of of our vulnerability. In fact, to me, this is a sign of strength because we are courageous enough to save ourselves from plunging further into our problems. It would be a vicious cycle when we are emotionally unstable and drained and could not handle our students. And one day, we will break. Students will suffer as well. This is a lose-lose situation that we must avoid. Unfortunately, I could not avoid that on Monday.

I think it would be good for teachers to know where they can seek help when they are feeling down, wouldn't it? I think MOE does provide counselling services to teachers? I wonder what services or resources are available for us to utilise when we need them.

Nevertheless, I am really humbled by my experience on Monday.

"God is the only one who can help you see your humble circumstance from His viewpoint-a high position. It is a high position because of what God is going to teach you in this place. He does not intend you to stay there; it is merely a stopping place to learn some important things you would not learn otherwise. Press into God and trust Him for the outcome to your circumstances."

The brother in humble circumstances ought to take pride in his high position. - James 1:9